What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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