hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
