A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
And then he peed in my hair
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