why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
