We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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