So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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