I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
