all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
