put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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