Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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