My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
