Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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