you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
