On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
