I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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