One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
