Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
