I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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