For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
