The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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