I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
