Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
