i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
