We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
