A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
