Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
