Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
