Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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