Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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