question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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