Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it hurts more in the daytime
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
