I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize