i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
