Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
