The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
