so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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