You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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