Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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