The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
