I have demons in me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
