so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
