her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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