butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize