Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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