I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
