I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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