Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
