My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
