My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
