when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
