If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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