dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize