it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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