ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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