The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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