tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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