dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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