Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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