Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize