The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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