Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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