are you still at the devil's house?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
