i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
