There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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