apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
