Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
