oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
