chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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