If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize