R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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