Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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