Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
