my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
