Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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