We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
