i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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