He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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