Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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