im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
